Monday, January 19, 2009

Giant Exer-Ball Anxiety

“Daddy says no more air will go in” my daughter, Krista told me last night, after my husband Fred re-inflated my giant Exer-Ball. He has explained to me why it needs to be frequently pumped-up a few times now…and I still don’t get it. Where does the air go if there’s no leak?

I asked Fred to get the ball ready for me because I’m trying to burn a few extra calories in my sedentary life. Sitting on an Exer-Ball at my desk (I’m on it now) will accomplish this while I do my work and writing from home. They’re comfortable, to be sure, but I get the constant, nagging feeling that…it’s gonna BLOW!

At what point are you completely sure that the closer-upper is secure? What pressure will it take to shoot the plug out like a bullet? I am a lone, unsupervised, un-gated goat waiting for the wolf to come…I know it’s gonna happen, I just don’t know when. I, therefore, cannot relax. In this world of uncertainties, there is one “for-sure” …at some point…this ball will burst.

Sitting on an Exer-Ball is supposed to be good for core muscles, since you have to use them to keep the ball stable. It’s also good for your posture. However, the stress of knowing the ball is going to “Kaplow” eventually, makes me tense, negating all possible good health benefits.

You’re supposed to move around on it and roll back and forth too. But I’m worried that any friction WHATSOEVER will create a weakened, soft spot and thus, cause my collapse to the floor and subsequent concussion:

”What happened, lady?”

“My giant Exer-Ball exploded.”

“Hey Joe, we have another Exer-Ball incident. Bring the back-board.”

Bouncing, although recommended—is out of the question.

Every time I find myself engrossed in my work and forget for a moment that I’m on a “time bomb-ball,” I snap out of it and tense up again. Furthermore, the getting-off-it maneuver makes me feel like an oaf. There’s the “Roll it Back” step followed by a “Wide-Straddle” move and finally, the dreaded “Oomph Push up and Off.” I’m can only imagine how comical I look just sitting on it, but the vision of my dismount would surely land me on some You Tube memorable moments reel. No cameras allowed.

Not only am I afraid of it exploding, I’m worried about it shooting out from under me so fast and unexpectedly that I would “drop it like it’s hot” and break a hip. Hips do get broken at my age.

Some would say, “Is it worth it, Heidi?” All that fear, anxiety, comparing myself to farm animals and oafs—what’s next?

Super gluing the plug—that’s what’s next…followed by duct tape.

1 comment:

Elista Krista said...

POP goes the exersize ball,love Krista