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Showing posts from February, 2011

Did you SEE that Half-Naked Woman in the Bakery Aisle?

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My pants fell down in public this morning.  I just thought you should know that up front . It was a “Perfect Storm” when it came to conditions of my “self-pantsing”:  ·          A banded-bottom sweatshirt exerting force down (and in) ·          “Day before laundry day” looser elastic underwear ·          Cargo pants with “wannabe” sweat pants waistband ·          My apparent feigning sensitivity related to air on my bare flesh At this point I’d like to interject an apology to all plumbers, electricians and rappers, who I previously chided, behind their backs, for their density regarding the exposure of their backsides.  I would say, “How could they POSSIBLY NOT KNOW their butts were exposed?”   I’m a humbler person now. It all started when I felt my underwear roll down one side off my hip while walking in a store.  When it became distractingly uncomfortable, and I couldn’t stand it another second, I said to my friend: “I’m having an underwear emergency” and I

Beware of "Little Green-Sash the Cookie Pusher"

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They're coming. Soon, they'll be out there, canvassing neighborhoods and popping up at football parties.  Their mothers will be holding brochures luring us to buy their cookies?  I can only hide so long.   My problem is that it’s practically impossible for me to refuse a child pedaling anything on my porch.  I had to sell fruitcakes door-to-door as a kid and I still shudder recalling the rejection of a fruitcake-hating public.   A few weeks ago, as I was flipping through  Facebook  a message appeared from a friend announcing her daughter is ready to take my cookie order.  Within hours of the Facebook message, our quiet neighborhood streets were populated with the cardboard-chart holding green uniformed midgets.  The mad cookie pusher/cookie consumer “Cat and Mouse” game, starring me as the Mouse, had begun. As soon as I kindly-but-firmly sent one away, another appeared, with a “harder-sell” approach.  They were sending increasingly confident girls…with sales pitches… and