In my quest to find a type of fitness plan that involves as little movement as possible, I believe I have found the perfect sport- The Luge.
And I don’t need to buy expensive shoes.
Large-breasted women are at a disadvantage in the sport of Luging, aerodynamically speaking. It has something to do with physics mumbo-gumbo regarding drag--the same principle that forces male swimmers to shave their body hair off. But…OLD, large-breasted women can do tricks with boobs like pin them under their armpits or mold them together like a fin.
Best of all…my heavy weight works in my favor, for once. You don’t have to be Bill Nye the Science Guy to know if you drop a bowling ball and a feather down a Luge run, the bowling ball is going to win. As long as the ice is REALLY, really firm, I, in my super-tight Luging suit (with fin) could potentially create the first ever Luge-inspired sonic boom. Windmills would stop and turn the opposite way, flocks of birds would become confused and a worm-hole for time travel could open up. Won’t the other Lugers be jealous?! Wheaties and Active Older Women Magazine will want me to pose for them!
Of course, there is the issue of stopping.