Bigamists, Bearded Women and Hairy Beasts: Welcome to My Family Tree
I always knew I was different.
Thanks to my brother’s research on Ancestry.com, I know why. Springing from closets, slithering out of old books and pictures, arising from graveyards across the 7 seas, my relatives have been creeping their way into my life. I’m fascinated—and terrified.
I can be really clumsy. Could that be a gift I inherited from great-grand pappy “Trips in Front of a Train?” How about my crooked lower incisors? Yarns have been spun about Great Aunt Mill’s oral self-care. So objectionable were her rotten teeth, she pulled them out herself with a pair of pliers. I’ve always had untamable eyebrows. It makes perfect sense now that I’ve met Uncle Canis lupin.
Of course the odd ones stand out.
My grandma once told me about her Aunt Amelia who was nervous and fuzzy. Today I would have asked her a LOT of questions, but as a youngster, I just sat mute. I have ever since been hyper-vigilant for signs of either trait.
I wonder what they would think of me--the child of their combined…combining.
Would they look me up and down and remark:
One thing I’ve learned, though, is they’re in no position to point their boney fingers at me. Great-Grandpa Bigamists 1 and 2-- don’t hide behind those tombstones, I see you! And thanks for all the step cousins with attitudes.
Thinking about this recently, I remembered I do the “Live long and Prosper” Dr. Spock hand-signal. I hope that means I’m part Vulcan—that would be really cool.
Thanks, Ancestry.com
I can be really clumsy. Could that be a gift I inherited from great-grand pappy “Trips in Front of a Train?” How about my crooked lower incisors? Yarns have been spun about Great Aunt Mill’s oral self-care. So objectionable were her rotten teeth, she pulled them out herself with a pair of pliers. I’ve always had untamable eyebrows. It makes perfect sense now that I’ve met Uncle Canis lupin.
Of course the odd ones stand out.
My grandma once told me about her Aunt Amelia who was nervous and fuzzy. Today I would have asked her a LOT of questions, but as a youngster, I just sat mute. I have ever since been hyper-vigilant for signs of either trait.
I wonder what they would think of me--the child of their combined…combining.
Would they look me up and down and remark:
- “Thou art so fleshy! Art thou our Queen?”
- “(Crosses themselves)—WITCH! No woman is that tall!”
- “Thou hair color is false. WITCH!”
One thing I’ve learned, though, is they’re in no position to point their boney fingers at me. Great-Grandpa Bigamists 1 and 2-- don’t hide behind those tombstones, I see you! And thanks for all the step cousins with attitudes.
Thinking about this recently, I remembered I do the “Live long and Prosper” Dr. Spock hand-signal. I hope that means I’m part Vulcan—that would be really cool.
Thanks, Ancestry.com
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