Friday, August 22, 2008

Dog Blog

I would love to bring our dog on vacation with us, but the last time we did ….

“Whine, whine, whine, spluck”

“Whine, whine, whine, spluck”

….in the middle of the Upper Peninsula with nothing to clean up with, no where to stop, and “The Barfinator” woozy, in her kennel, all we could do was make jokes and have a gross-out contest describing the smell. I won with “Graham Cracker Lawn Clippings After a Rain.”

So….my friend and I usually take turns sitting with each others dogs when we go on vacations. “Bear” is Jasmine’s BFF. Once, when caring for my dog, my friend taught her to “drop”…as in give up her “booty” (I don’t ask how she did it.) Now--no matter where she is, or what’s in her mouth, if you even whisper the word, “Drop,” Jasmine opens her mouth, spits it out immediately, looks at you and says:

“There---it’s OUT. Happy?”

I am not skilled enough to teach "Bear" tricks, but last spring, when we had her for a week, I documented her diary:

Bear's Spring Break:"Vegas this Ain't"

Hello Family! Having a great time—wish you were here! No-really, I wish you were here. Although Jasmine’s family is providing a fun-filled vacation for me complete with DELICIOUS PUPPY FOOD (which is WAY better than that “Club” Lamb and Rice crap you buy me, FYI), and entertainment in the form of a constantly “up”, hyper dog who, in my opinion needs to be MEDICATED, I miss you.

Bringing me here and saying “goodbye” eased my separation anxiety considerably. I have not made the trek home once. I don’t look longingly at my house and have found AMAZINGLY interesting scents around Jasmine’s house to follow and then pee on. I smell deer, wild turkeys, the vole graveyard and various instruments of rodent torture in abound. It’s a more of a nose vacation if you ask me!

I am enjoying the power of being able to lie down in the “No-Jasmine” zone. I try to get as close as possible to the line to torture her. For an old dog like me, this is “Disney-world” fun! I have managed to instill some good behavior habits in Jasmine-- better manners when it comes to sitting when company comes and more efficient return to the front door when whistled for. Heidi has been treating me each time I come back to the door so I hurry up.

Unfortunately, however, I’ve taught Jasmine a few bad habits too. Due to my preference for my OWN pee-spot, Jasmine decided to un-train herself and we’ve been taking turns peeing right outside Heidi’s door on the new grass. I not disciplined for this, of course, as a guest, but JASMINE! Sheesh! Yesterday, Heidi yelled at her MID-PEE! Next time Jasmine came out, Heidi leashed her and walked her down to her own pee spot. I don’t even think Jasmine had to go—but I’m sure she managed a few dribbles to appease Heidi. Heidi was not happy having to trudge down to POO-FIELD on un-level terrain.

Today, we’re going to try a walk with Jasmine and Krista. I wouldn’t mind just staying home and watching TV (Heidi and I are a lot alike, I’m finding)—but it’s worth a try. I saw a robin this morning and Jasmine promptly chased it away-- a metaphor for a delayed spring?? I am walking about very spryly and not limping at all. I heard the neighbor kid’s lurching, muffler-less, beater-car speeding up and down the street. It’s a good thing I wasn’t crossing the road or anything like that—damn teenagers!

In the world of dogs, there’s not much to talk about but nature and “calls” of nature, I’m afraid. I had some sensational gas as a result of a dropped, peeled, hard-boiled egg I ate along with some shredded cheese. It was a pretty proud moment. Hurry home!

Love, “Bear”

1 comment:

bspicknall said...

Daisy says her chronicles with the psycho cat and guinae pig are WAY more entertaining. She illustrated hers! I think "Bear"'s mom needs to open a dog obedience school - or a boot camp. Seriously, you need to get paid for this stuff! You are too good at it!