I Like My Perimeters Soaked

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Yesterday, my daughter Krista said, “Mom, I just saw an ant on the floor.” 

I froze.

“Was it just one ant, honey, or more than one?” I asked.

“There might have been two” she said. 

In my experience, two ants are a plague.

We have ants every year, they come out some wall in the house frenzied.  Like the queen ant said, “Run like crazy, serpentine, go in circles! I command you--Freak out the humanoid!” 

When this happens, I have a total meltdown.

No one else seems to be bothered by the ants like I am. I call my hero, the exterminator, to spray the interior and exterior of the house. I feel fairly safe when my perimeters are soaked with ant chemical. Inevitably, though, there are ants that are sacrificed and break through the force field and show up on the inside.

I’ve tried all methods of ant termination. It’s useless really, since our entire neighborhood is one giant ant hill. I’ve tried ant goo, which you squeeze on a tiny piece of cardboard. The idea is you wait, let a hundred-quadrillion ants crawl out from every corner and form a single-file line to the goo, eat it and report back to the nest and share it. This is waaay too disgusting for me. When I see them coming out and lining up, I get so creeped out, I take out the ant spray and kill them all.

I’ve been thinking lately about bringing in a predator. Anteaters, are also known as Ant Bears.  From the sound of it, they’re solitary animals, eat up to 30,000 ants a day!! Ant bears don’t have a history of attacking people—they have sharp claws but no teeth. I could raise them and rent them out.

Have I been sniffing too much ant spray?



Comments

Nicci said…
Ok, I read your blog yesterday and today I find TWO, not one but TWO ants in my house. Are you renting out the ant bears yet??
May 14, 2008 at 6:13 PM
Unknown said…
one of the cities i lived in was on an anthill too..."grant's ant stakes" are the thing...also, did you know that fantastic will dissolve those babies on contact?!
May 19, 2008 at 12:54 AM
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