Bottom….Out

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My friend, Karen, had the nerve to put in a backyard pool with no ladder or steps. The sides were too high for me to get good elbow leverage. I “ali-ooped” my daughter out on my shoulder a few minutes prior and witnessed my friend launch herself out of the water like an elephant seal (sorry, Karen) which made us laugh hysterically. 

“Oh my God. How am I going to get out of here?”

I quickly brainstormed putting on high-heeled water shoes or getting myself up on a raft and then rolling over on their deck. Now….

“Oh my God. I’m next.”

I tried to jump up and lift myself out of the pool. Nope. Tried again. Nope. Started laughing, which rendered my muscles weak. Tried again. Nope.

“Is she going to live in our pool?” my friend’s 5- year-old said.

“I’ll bring you a chair” Karen suggested. She fetched a green plastic lawn chair which was light and floaty.  She jumped back in to help me hold it under water. As I stepped on the chair, the two front legs broke off and rose to the surface.

At this point, my friend’s son starts crying:

“She broke our chair!” he sobbed---Baby Bear to my Goldilocks.

“It’s o.k., we can fix it.” she soothed.

No she can’t. It’s one of those cheap plastic chairs. If you glue it, it will break again, probably when some grandparent sits on it, and then they’ll….

I’m starting to shrivel in the water now. I’m thinking the worst thing is not having to stay in the water, but having to call the non-emergency number and have a fireman rescue me

Then again, that doesn't sound that bad. 


Comments

Anonymous said…
I am laughing so hard I am crying. I just said to Vin tonight "No, I am not dieting, I am not fat, I love the way I look." Could it be that I too suffer from a rare "fat denial" genetic disorder??? BTW - just wolfed down my second bowl of strawberry yogurt cheerios before going to bed...
July 29, 2008 at 11:21 PM
bspicknall said…
You actually SIT on a public toilet seat?! I know your mother taught you better.

And, as a life-long sailor, who can get in/out of a pool WITHOUT a ladder?!

As for the genetic fat denial disorder, that's alive and well in our family too!
July 31, 2008 at 5:20 PM
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