Heidi in Real Life

My pants fell down in public this morning.  I just thought you should know that up front . It was a “Perfect Storm” when it came to conditions of my “self-pantsing”:  ·          A banded-bottom sweatshirt exerting force down (and in) ·          “Day before laundry day” looser elastic underwear ·          Cargo pants with “wannabe” sweat pants waistband ·          My apparent feigning sensitivity related to air on my bare flesh At this point I’d like to interject an apology to all plumbers, electricians and rappers, who I previously chided, behind their backs, for their density regarding the exposure of their backsides.  I would say, “How could they POSSIBLY NOT KNOW their butts were exposed?”   I’m a humbler person now. It all started when I felt my underwear roll down one side o...

They're coming. Soon, they'll be out there, canvassing neighborhoods and popping up at football parties.  Their mothers will be holding brochures luring us to buy their cookies?  I can only hide so long.   My problem is that it’s practically impossible for me to refuse a child pedaling anything on my porch.  I had to sell fruitcakes door-to-door as a kid and I still shudder recalling the rejection of a fruitcake-hating public.   A few weeks ago, as I was flipping through  Facebook  a message appeared from a friend announcing her daughter is ready to take my cookie order.  Within hours of the Facebook message, our quiet neighborhood streets were populated with the cardboard-chart holding green uniformed midgets.  The mad cookie pusher/cookie consumer “Cat and Mouse” game, starring me as the Mouse, had begun. As soon as I kindly-but-firmly sent one away, another appeared, with a “harder-sell” approach.  They were sending in...