Sunday, September 25, 2016

Bringing Zany into Political Debates




I believe that brush-covered pits, hidden spring-loaded trap doors, and Acme “Instant Holes” are severely under-used in politics.    Since our American 2016 candidates seem to create their own rules regarding what to say no matter how offensive or misleading, why not add some “Zany” into an otherwise uncomfortable and frustrating debate experience?  Fear not!  The cartoons of my childhood always included these tricks and gags and no one was ever injured or disheveled.  Wylie Coyote was ok after crashing into fake tunnel openings, right?  Given the present “Non-Debate Debating”, we could make the rules crystal clear …and add some Looney Tunes-esque consequences.  

If you go past your 2 minute rebuttal: 

The moderator will shut off your microphone and a shabby man with a red foam nose will jump up from a non-disclosed location and spray you with seltzer water, and throw a pie at you. No towels to clean off either, just you and your foamy wet face talking about what really matters.

If you use certain inflammatory terms (such as “emails” or “wall”): 

The floor beneath you will collapse into a dunk tank.  This tank will be filled with warm water so Clinton doesn’t get pneumonia again and Trump won’t have to reevaluate the size of his "Johnson" based on shrinkage.  They should be able to continue with the debate--Clinton’s A-line pantsuits are designed in such a clever way as to keep her dry while encircling her with a water ring.  Trump’s custom made dark suits would hide water stains better than Pampers.

If you interrupt the other candidate at any time:

The moderator will stop the debate and attach a piece of duct tape across your mouth. You must answer your next question like this while circus music plays softly in the background.


If you make faces or roll your eyes while the other candidate is speaking:

When it’s your turn to talk, you must inhale a helium balloon first. 

If you sit down on your pillow-chair or recline at any time during the full commercial-free 90 minutes:

Off with your head!

Good luck candidates!  Thhhhhhhat's all, Folks