Sunday, February 6, 2011

Every Time I Turn a Bratwurst, an Angel Gets His Wings

I’m trying not to let my husband, Fred’s, exuberance over tonight’s pending Super Bowl irritate me.  The bare truth is that in the 18 years I’ve known him, I’ve never seen him happier about anything.  Christmas, babies being born and our wedding dim in comparison to the glorification of “The Men in the Tight Yellow Pants.”
I like football.  I just don’t love it.  Here in Green Bay, I am Dorothy in a foreign land, in the midst of the thousands of green and yellow outfitted munchkins and they’re all “a little muttled” by my lack of enthusiasm.

“Were you just singing in the shower? I asked yesterday, brushing my words with bitter butter, “You’re starting to get on my nerves.” 

“It’s a holiday weekend!”  Fred sang, merrily.  He’s taking post-game Monday off.
I then spoke the unspeakable-- “It’s just a game.”

Fred’s face went white.  His lower lip started quivering.  Somewhere an angel fell dead.  The “Packer Enthusiasm Committee” which likely governs this football-crazed city, is probably on patrol and when they sense negativity with respect to “The Pack” will drop a net on me, drag me to a tail-gate and make me do beer bongs until I paint my face and put on beads.

I have become Super Bowl Fun-Smasher #1.  Remorseful, I said, “But, I’ll be making all the football food you like, though” and his lip stopped quivering.

There is a way to be part of the excitement and not actually watch the whole game--Football Food.  Being a part of the “Feed-the-fans on Weekends” committee earns me three important, non-football related things:

1.  Redemption in Heaven.  Every time I turn over a bratwurst, and angel gets his wings.
2.  A great seat bellied up to the buffet table.  While everyone else is bent over and tense with expectation, I’ve got a plate of taco dip all to myself.
3.  Positive Energy.  Each time I offer someone a beer, they look at me like I’m Miss America.  I *get* that it’s an “alcohol induced” appreciation, but I’ll take it.

Fred took our daughter, Krista, shopping yesterday for more Packer fan gear.  She came home wearing a $70 glamorous jersey that has a gold, bedazzled neckline and sparkles.  He has been working hard to make her a Green Bay fan because she prefers football teams that are represented by animals she likes.  Colts for instance, are baby horses; lions—big fluffy cats. 

She has it on again this morning.

I see I’m outnumbered.  Alright, for the Super Bowl title…Go PACK GO!


ssaretsky said...

Loved it! I am sooo with you! I love the comment regarding the alcohol induced appreciation - how many times do we ever get to see that level of adoration in someone's eyes?
Great post!

Raining Acorns said...

As far as football goes, I'll admit to liking bratwurst . . . good luck!

DL Hammons said...

That was hilarious!!! I read it to my wife and she laughed as well. She is a die-hard Bears fan and she is swallowing her pride and cheering for the Pack this weekend.

Kudo's!!! :)

Heidi-"Heidi in Real Life" said...

Sheri--yes, alcohol induced appreciation is still positive. But will they remember in the morning?
Raining Acorns--Isn't bratwurst the best? My husband cuts it up and puts it in beans too.
Cruising Altitude DL- Hey-- THANKS! You can't even say Bears here, in fact our radio stations banned all music by "Chicago" for the week prior to the game. ;-)

Gail said...

Loved it, Heidi. You're a better woman than I am. I always go to the movies during the Super Bowl!

Gail said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Heidi-"Heidi in Real Life" said...

Thanks Gail. Lucky girl. My husband just took a walk waving the Packer's 3 ft. by 6 ft flag!

Bagman and Butler said...

Wonderful blog as usual and fitting since I am about to watch the Superbowl. Forgive me for being a Steelers fan. But I would just like to add that I think you are Miss America and Lili Tomlin rolled into one and I have not had alcohol since 1976. It is possible for males to appreciate beautiful, clever, intelligent women AND football at the same time without alcohol.

Heidi-"Heidi in Real Life" said...

BB- AWW! You're gonna make me cry (and not about you being Steeler's fan)! Thanks for making my whole YEAR!

Dawn @Lighten Up! said...

Man, Bagman is the sweetest! I'm most jealous of his comment. But it's well-deserved, my smashing, funny friend. Wish I could pull humor out of every day like you!

Mary Virgin-Kerkes said...

doesn't get better than bedazzled glory!!!!

Heidi-"Heidi in Real Life" said...

Dawn--when you have no *real* life like me, you have forced to find funny around small town USA.
Mary- The shirt is the bomb!

Katie Gates said...

Funny post! LOVE the title!

Joanne said...

Great post Heidi! Although I am a fan and did watch the game.

I figured you for a Lion's fan though.

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm! Bratwurst!

Heidi-"Heidi in Real Life" said...

Thanks Katie! I read yours from today too.
Joanne- The fans here really are die-hards. They filled Lambeau Field yesterday (a stadium with no roof) in -15 wind chill weather just to hear the players say a few things. I'll take the brats, thanks!

Candice said...

Thank God I've got a husband that could give a shit less about football, or sports in general.


Heidi-"Heidi in Real Life" said...

Candice- I promised myself I wouldn't cry--but imaging a weekend/life/world without sports? It's too beautiful.

Katie Gates said...

You sold fruitcakes, door-to-door? Seriously? Holy S&#t, I sure hope you got a badge for that!
(And if so, did the badge just totally weigh down your entire sash?)