Sunday, August 16, 2009

The Adventure in Heidi’s Office: TYPIST battles The Ant Army

I hesitated before documenting my recent encounter with ants. Having already written 2 blogs about them, I thought the subject might be “hum-drum.” But then I realized...ants are my nemesis. Ants are:

Plankton” to my “Mr. Krabs”

The Joker” to my “Batman.”

Comic book characters repeatedly meet the same rivals. There were 3 Alien movies weren’t there? The battles never cease. The enemy never truly dies...

...until this time.

Mild-mannered Heidi enters her front-room office one Sunday morning, after severe storms blasted through the small town of Suamico. The storms brought with them a new climate and the heat baked the sidewalks, causing steam to rise and swirl. As she sits on her soft seated, black chair, she notices something is amiss. Ants, her evil foes, are crawling in mass numbers all over her desk. They had “summited” via her computer cords, which are now ‘alive,’ like clover-leaf exits on an Ant Highway at rush hour, with hundreds of determined nasty, menacing insects.


The Ants are in a frenzied state, appearing and scattering hear and there. The entire Ant Army, agitated by the forces of nature, was entering Heidi’s office from underneath the baseboards. Thousands have made it as far as the door, just a few feet from the entrance to her bedroom.

Heidi, stimulated by the crisis at hand, zips into the bathroom. A LIGHTNING flash of light exits from under the door and out jumps...TYPIST- The Masked Hero of 3077! She unleashes her superpowers: Fantastic Spray and Terro Liquid.

The ants on the floor are rained on by 3-foot showers of Fantastic Spray. KAPOW!! “OOOOFF!!!” cried the ants as they stiffen. The tiny crawlers begin using their super powers ...Sicken and Gross. Typist is caught in an unexpected cloud of disgust and lets out an, “OH, YUK!!” and staggers back. Shaken, she fights herself out of Sicken’s grasp and gives Gross a BAM! with the heel of her foot.

Typist gets her Super Vacuum and sucks up the damp, dead ants. Then, backing the ants into a was time to finish them! Typist globs Terro on an old Sears gift card and leaves the offering for them to feast on. Terro will put them to sleep...PERMANENTLY!! KAPLOP!! Swirling around on her desk chair, Typist sprays a protective circle around her...and begins to type. And wait.

Hours later...

Ants heaped like coffee grounds lay dead in the corner, in a long line under the baseboard and on the Sears card itself. Typist, victorious. Nemesis, defeated...

...until next time. Create your own superhero!

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