Heidi and a Cinnamon Roll walk into a bar at the same time. Heidi says, “Do you come here often?” Cinnamon Roll says, “No, this is my first…” Before the pastry had a chance to fully answer, Heidi starts making-out with it—literally eating its face off with wild passion.
That was a dream I had a few days ago…then I slipped off the bakery wagon.
I made a crucial mistake yesterday evening and went grocery shopping while very hungry. My husband, Fred, and daughter, Krista, were out together and we needed some basic food items. I was alone. I was vulnerable.
As I pushed my cart down the Piggly Wiggly aisle, I heard someone call to me:
“Pssst!!” I checked over my shoulder.
“You…with the turquoise purse!” the voice called.
“Come here. I am DELICIOUS!” I looked around and realized “Cinnamon Roll,” the gigantic, iced donut was talking to me. It winked at me, raised its eyebrows and beckoned me like a prostitute.
“What do you want?” I whispered, wiping my brow and eyeing the aisle for witnesses.
“I wanna come home with you. Eat me up…I’m DELICIOUS!”
“YES, yes. Jump in my cart.”
And so began my illicit one-nighter.
Once I got home, I raced around, fumbling with my cupboards, wildly putting away the groceries. I had other obligations, but eating this treat, immediately, was urgently necessary. “Cinny” looked much larger that it had in the store, confined to its plastic show container. I took a bite, then another. I had somehow forgotten to chew, when the front door flew open and Krista came bounding in. She can’t find me like this, so I hid my “precious” in a desk drawer.
Fred came in my office. “How are you?” Silence. “Heidi, are you o.k.?” I inhaled through my nose, “Mwi mu mu waph?” which is “Why do you ask?” in “mouth-full-of-Cin” jargon.
“Is there something you want to tell me?”
“What do we have HERE?” Fred asked accusingly, pointing out the gigantic, joker-like “smile” of cinnamon and frosting left on my face from cheek to cheek.
“*Gulp* It didn’t mean a THING. It was just this one time, I swear.”