Friday, November 14, 2008

Elements of a Successful Hunt

This time of year, thousands of men (and women), driving pick-up trucks, leave their families. They are on a pilgrimage north, to the woods where the white-tailed deer live. My husband, Fred, is one of those thousands. He and his friends herald Deer Season as a holiday, filled with good camp food, peace and quiet, and camaraderie.

This year Fred has some new (and old) methods of attaining the “Many-Point” buck. I, as a sprawling-metropolis-raised girl, was na├»ve to the large variety of hunting paraphernalia out there, until I was introduced to it last night (pre-hunt). In my opinion, armed with his bag of tricks---the deer will be putty in his hands.

Fred brought with him:

1. Doe “Piss” :

“Piss” is Fred’s word, not mine. Doe Piss is supposed to attract the bucks, who, at this time of year are HOT to mate. I actually saw the bottle and the description of its ingredients. That’s a dirty job!! Someone has to find a deer, make sure it’s a doe, make it drink a lot of water (you can bring a doe to water but…) then hold some type of container underneath (or behind it) to collect the urine. E-GADS! Fred says they have deer farms for this, so they don’t have to nab a wild deer, but that still doesn’t explain the “How Tos.” Fred intends to surround his deer blind with the concoction. I forgot to ask him what would happen if he spills some on himself.

I can only imagine dozens of the antlered animals falling over themselves for a piece of Fred!

2. Antler Crashes:

Fred said that sometimes they take antlers and smack them together to replicate the sound of a “deer fighting” over a doe. This is supposed to attract the bucks. Maybe the “Great Prince of the Forest,” the FATHER of all bucks, will come, as leader of the deer, to break up the fight. That’s just what Fred is hoping for. Then Ka-POW!

3. Food from the sky:

When Fred told me about this term, I laughed out loud. This is “hunter-talk” for bait. All the gas stations around Green Bay, and most northern cities, I suspect, are stocked with deer apples, carrots and stuff to set in the woods. The deer will come out of hiding and investigate the “offering” of foreign fruit. They get used to it, then KER-FLUOOEY.

4. Snort Replication:

This is a device that replicates the sound of a buck snorting. If you use this, the buck will come running to see what’s up---or…they’ll all stand together, in a far off meadow somewhere--and laugh.

5. Camouflaged Gun Steadier with strap:

No deer has a chance against this. They’ll take one look at the stand (which is pounded into the ground), and wave the white flag.

With all these clever methods of attracting male deer—there should be a parade of white-tails following Fred home. I just hope they’re not following him home because he smells like doe!

1 comment:

yoopergirl said...

Too Funny!! I finally tuned in to your cool!! You have a great writing style. I'm so glad you're feeling better. That was scary!

Well, Jared has joined the big hunt (last year too, but now more into it) and is totally into the scent thing as well, including what foods would be okay to eat prior to entering the woods. He decided that apples would be okay since deer like them too. He's right!

I look forward to reading more. Thanks for sharing! See ya soon!!!!!