Friday, June 20, 2008

I am not a Hermit…not that there’s anything wrong with Hermits

I come from a family who appreciates the indoors more than the outdoors. I am an “indoor girl.” I get teased by my family and neighbors for being “hermit-like”, but not everybody is cut out to be “at one” with nature. It’s not that I don’t appreciate the outdoors. I love the sweet smell of spring air, the tittering of birds and the warmth of sunshine. I’d just rather experience it through a screen, or passing by it in a car.

In my neighborhood, you’ll see me spending time out in the yard about as frequently as you might see a bear or a fox. It’s newsworthy…but not apocalyptic. When I am in my yard, people come out of their houses and gape at me like a giant hot air balloon containing the “Wizard of Oz” just crash landed on our street.

“Is that Heidi?”

“How long has it been?”

“My God she looks old.”

I can’t help it if I have indoor hobbies: writing, computers, movies, cooking, sewing, reading, and entertaining. If I HAD to—I could do them outside…but:

I HATE Bugs: Remember ‘70s commercial for “OFF” where the guy put his whole arm in an aquarium full of mosquitos and they all landed on him? That’s me from May until the first fall frost. I am afraid of wasps; detest flies or anything else with 6 or more legs. There might be some kind of bug-paranoia PILL I could take….or I could stay indoors.

I no longer worship the SUN: I freckle and burn when exposed to sun. Also, unless I wear a turban, helmet, or some other full-head cover, the sun fries my dyed-hair and gives me a “Lucille Ball meets ‘80s Cindy Lauper” color. That just doesn’t happen in a mall.

Don’t LET me get over-HEATed: You don’t even want to go there.

My husband is outdoorsy. He rather eat every meal at the picnic table, spend every free moment in the woods camping or fishing. From outside our house, he’ll tap on my window like I am an animal in a zoo exhibit he’s trying to make move.

“There!! Did you see that? She just wrinkled her nose and hit the “delete” key.”

This past winter my daughter, Krista, and my husband and I made a big snow lady we named Edna Turnblatt (complete with double-Ds) in our front yard. Rick went in and got his camera:

“Excellent. We need a picture of this snowlady!” I say, posing with Krista:

“No, I want a picture of you outside,” he said, “it doesn’t happen very often.”

There’s a difference between being a hermit and not-liking-to-spend-time outdoors. You’re invited to my living room to discuss it.


Jenie Altruda said...

I actually ventured out to the pool today. :)

Bev Spicknall said...

Hey Amy! Are you reading this? I think there's been a Heidi sighting! I saw her walking down the street when I got back from Meechigan! And she didn't look old. (Heidi's so silly!) She looked awesome, quite trendy in her red blouse walking with her equally fashion-forward daughter.

Heidi, as you know, I have my own hermit-like tendencies. I'll discuss it with you any time in your livingroom or mine!

PS I still LOVE that photo. Edna should be in a record book!

Kasper in Suamico said...

Yes, you are a hermit. There's no other word for it. Hermit. Take that hermit girl!! That's okay, you live with a pack rat. Hermit plus pack rat equals marital bliss... right?